


Texts From Vampires

by SkullQueen_Loritta



Category: Diabolik Lovers, Vampire Knight
Genre: Bisexual Zero Kiyru, Both Kanato and Subaru like the human niece of the two vampire teachers, Conner Kent makes a breif apperance, Established Relationship, Except for what is mentioned, F/M, Hanabusa tries to woo someone older than him, He fails miserably, Humor and Crack, I'll go back and tag all the characters when I'm not tired, Implied Relationships, It makes the three vampires butt heads, Just enjoy the somewhat crack, M/M, Multi, No actual pairings as of yet, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Takuma also likes that same niece, Texts From Last Night, The Inatsune Brothers and the Tsurugi Brothers are vampires, The mom of the Tsurugi brothers doesn't like Ayato, There will be a different thing for oc bios, There will be swears, They're kinda assholes, This has OCs from both Diabolik Lovers and Vampire Knight, This is somewhat crack, characters may be ooc, posts from textsfromlastnight are involved, tags are subject to change, they're the reason this exists
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6918643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkullQueen_Loritta/pseuds/SkullQueen_Loritta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This be a crossover with complete and utter somewhat crack. Trying to figure out why I thought it would be a good idea to do a fanfic with DL and VK chars, with my friend's and I's OCs, using posts from textsfromlastnight as writing prompt.</p><p>So if you're here for somewhat crack fics, you in the right place. Read at your own risk. I am not responsible for any and all deaths and/or funerals. I own nothing except for my ocs and this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Souls

_Prompt: (407): How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one of those._

* * *

“Laito, you can’t buy a soul.” Rahul stated, walking over to the microwave while being on the phone with the reddish-brown haired vampire on the other end, “Besides, what they hell would you do with a soul?”

“I don’t know, use it to get out of jury duty?” Laito huffed, crossing his arms over his chest, knowing that the other wouldn’t be able to see the gesture, “Seriously? You really can’t sell me a soul? An almighty demon like yourself?”

“I’m not that kind of demon. I’m a demon like vampire with some demon abilities. That sounds like a job for either my father, Sayo, or my aunt.” The brunet vampire explained, putting a bag of popcorn into the microwave then going to the fridge.

“Damn it… Your dad kinda scares me, I have no clue who Sayo is, and your aunt hates me.” He stated.

“No, Auntie hates Ayato. She greatly dislikes you.” He countered.

“Yeah yeah, whatever. So, what am I going to be abandoned for this time?” He questioned.

“Scream marathon on Netflix the minute the popcorn is finished.”

“And you didn’t invite me~? I’m hurt~”

He rolled his eyes, “The reason I didn’t invite you is because you would try to turn it into Netflix and chill. Besides, I have someone else over to watch with me.”

A gasp, “You’re cheating on me~?!”

He rolled his eyes again, playing along this time, “Yes I’m cheating on you and I’m planning on eloping with him during the marathon.”

“You bastard. Who’s the other man? Is it one of your brothers? Ruki? That Takuma guy? I swear if it’s Kou or that ‘Idol’ guy..”

Rahul snorted, chuckling, “I may be gay but I have no interest in the guy who is trying to get with my aunt. His name is Hanabusa by the way.”

Laito pouted, “Okay so maybe I got a bit carried away this time. In all seriousness, _who_ do you have over? My interest has been peeked.”

“Ichiru Kiryu.” Rahul answered.

“The vampire hunter’s twin?!” Laito exclaimed.

“Yep. Hey, popcorn’s done so I gotta go. See ya Laito.”

“Wait! DON’T YOU DARE HANG-”

_Click._

“Ichiru, popcorn’s ready!”

“About time! I was about to press play!” Ichiru called from the living room.


	2. 5 hours

_Prompt: (614): That’s a good 5 hours of “I have no fucking idea what I did.”_

* * *

“And what makes you think that I was with you during those five hours?” Zero questioned, nursing his coffee close.

“Because of this.” Subaru said, turning his back to Zero. On the back of the white haired vampire’s shirt in lavender ink read, **_“If lost, please return to Zero Kiryuu.”_**

“...Well fuck, that is my handwriting.” Zero stated, setting his coffee down. It would certainly explain why the back of his shirt read **_“I’m Zero Kiryuu.”_** in red ink when he came to...

“No shit sherlock.” Subaru voiced, turning back around and looking at the silver haired hunter, “Who else was with us for those five hours?”

He gave him a blank look, “I _don’t_ even remember being with you for those five hours. What makes you think I remember who else was with us?”

“Because we apparently had enough sense during those five hours to write on the back of our shirts but we probably didn’t have enough sense to come up with it ourselves.” He said. Before Zero could open his mouth to reply, Ravi walked into the room, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

“Morning Zero, Morning Subaru. That was some night last night huh?” The tanned vampire greeted as he grabbed some coffee. When he turned around, the blond haired boy found the two other vampires behind him. “What?”

“You were with us last night?” Subaru asked, looking at him as if God just answered his prayers.

“Yes I was. Wait, do you not remember what happened last night?” Ravi questioned, looking between the two.

“No.” The white and silver haired vampires stated.

“Oh. You two might wanna sit down then. It's a long story.” The freckled vampire said, walking over to the table as he added, “Oh and Subaru, you might want to avoid my cousin for a while.”

“Why?” He inquired, heading over to the table with Zero behind him.

“You left her a bunch of drunk texts and voice mails.”

“....What the hell did I do to deserve this….?”

“You were born.” Kanato said as he walked by.


	3. Emoji

_Prompt: (828): Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?_

* * *

“You had sex with my brother?!” Samantha and Ichiru exclaimed, looking at the two males on the couch.

“Yes we had sex with each other.” Zero answered. Zim, who was resting his head on the other vampire’s shoulder, looked like he was asleep.

“I thought you liked girls/Yuuki?!” The two younger siblings shouted. Zero rolled his eyes at the two.

“I’m bisexual, I like guys as well.” He said to the raven haired girl before turning to his twin and adding, “I did like Yuuki but that was long ago. It was time for me to move on.”

“Did moving on have to include getting completely smashed and drunk calling me to pick up your arse as well as Ravi and Subaru’s arses from the pub you three blokes were stranded at?” Zim questioned, looking up at Zero.

“If it didn't, I wouldn't have confessed to you and we wouldn’t have gotten together.” Zero reasoned, kissing Zim’s forehead softly.

“I had to childlock the windows and Subaru got syrup all over my car,  including my boots.”

“I apologized for that.” Subaru stated, entering the room and plopping down into the Lazy-Boy recliner before adding, “It also wasn’t a good idea to get us pancakes.”

“I was trying to sober you three up. You even forgot that I had gotten you pancakes while you were eating the bloody pancakes!” Zim responded.

“That should’ve indicated that getting them was a bad idea.” Subaru shrugged, putting the chair in the reclined position as Kanato barged into the room.

“We’re not done yet!” The purple haired vampire yelled, glaring at the other vampire.

“Yes, we are.” Subaru replied before turning to look at Zero, asking, “So why did I walk into just now?”

“My twin and Zim’s sister finding out that we did the deed along with my sexuality.” Zero answered. Subaru looked over at Samantha and Ichiru.

“You two seriously didn’t know? It was obvious!” He stated.

“I think it was just obvious to you and Ravi. Then again, Ravi’s just as observant as his cousin.” Zero explained.

Subaru shrugged again, getting comfortable in his spot as he ignored his brother who continued to glare at him. Once he was comfortable, he then asked, “So did you hear that they're making an “I fucked your brother” emoji?”

There were two sounds of someone falling to the floor after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so one, I'm sorry this took forever to finish and upload I had a form a writer's block on somethings' and two, the syrup and pancake thing is a true event but not with me. My friend Zee and her friends Ley and Don all went to a party and Don got pretty smashed by the time they tried to leave. Zee went through McDonalds' and got Don pancakes but what no one knew at the time was that Don left the pancakes in the car when he got out of it. The next day Zee and Ley are driving around and pick up two of their friends, who found the pancakes then kind of proceeded fling the pancakes in shock, getting syrup all over Zee's car and on Ley's boots. Now with that out of the way I have a bit of a challenge for you guys.
> 
> I made a blog on tumblr that has the same name as this fanfic, using the same prompts/posts that I use for the chapters. Since it seems more likely to finish the picture posts on the blog than it is for me to finish a chapter, my challenge is I want you guys to guess which post from the blog will be the next chapter I'm writing. If you get it right, you get a cookie and you get to pick the next prompt I use for my next chapter. Here's the link to the blog http://textsfromvampires.tumblr.com/


	4. Biting

_Prompt: If you bite it and you die; it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die; it’s venomous._

* * *

“What if it bites me and it dies?” Laito asked, glancing up from the magazine he was reading.

“Then you’re poisonous, which is probably possible considering that you’re a walking outcry for STDs.” Hanabusa said, turning a page in his book. Laito huffed, offended.

“What if it bites itself and I die?” Subaru questioned.

“It’s voodoo, plain and simple. _American Horror Story_ taught us that.” Zero answered.

“What if it bites me and Azusa dies?” Kanato inquired, still upset about the loss of Teddy.

“That’s correlation, not causation. Now stop planning to murder Azusa.” Reiji stated, glaring at the younger.

“What if we bite each other and neither one of us dies?” Takuma challenged.

“Then that’s kinky and something I can get behind~” Laito purred.

“Laito no!”

“Laito _yes_ ~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know that it's short but I needed to write this. Based on this post here: http://sailoriceprincess.tumblr.com/post/157972320645/imaslutforflannelandbandmerch-pizzadut


	5. Author's Note

Yeah not a chapter, sorry about that. I'm a college student so life is busy but that's not the reason I'm making this note. And no, I didn't lose interest. Again, busy college student but getting on track.

Okay so for those who don't know, I run an askblog with a friend of mine. My friend has an account on here and her username is FiraLove. I'm mentioning this because she has a really awesome story on here called "The Fire's Fate" and I think you guys should check it out. Especially if you guys happen to be a fan of Dark Fantasy and Paranormal stuff.

Here's the link to it incase anyone wants to check it out, which I hope you guys do: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11196246/chapters/25002393


End file.
